Life, Journey, Surgery, Change

An Introduction: Paulami Ghosh

“Life as it is”

In love with life I live the subtlest of passions, live like a gypsy, each day a different house, each night under the stars-Rumi

I underwent a surgery – the first surgery of my life. For ovarian cancer. While the diagnosis said  ovarian cancer[my CA125 was 1800],  by the time it was discovered, it had spread its wings beyond the left ovary. Incidentally, I had no complaints related to the ovary. In fact my gynaecological parameters seemed perfect. I was happily waiting for menopause, to get rid of the regular discomfort and hassle. 

In one day, I got my ovaries, uterus, fallopian tubes, a part of my intestine and portions of a few other organs removed. So almost half of my abdomen is empty now. My aunt used to say that everything in my life is in Lord’s style. My doctor during my birth was Dr. Bhobesh Lahiri, a very famous gynaecologist of Calcutta those days. I was gifted gold and jewels at birth, I was the first grandchild for my maternal grandmother and for my paternal grandmother I was her only son’s first born. My father wished that I perform his last rites as I am his first born. Which father even in today’s India would think that way?[A proud daughter]. My first trip aboard was to San Francisco[phew], not Bangkok or Mauritius. And so is the disease – the lord of all diseases. 

Going for the surgery had its own fears – not that I will die on the operation table but what it will be like after the  surgery. That I will miss my parents not being there when I open my eyes to comfort me, to say that everything is fine. That, I will have to tell myself. I will have to because I have a younger brother who has only me, I have a son 11 years old, and an aunt who is 78 years old, again, who has only us. And, I have them.

The surgery wasn’t a whole new experience as I didn’t experience it, I was under anesthesia. I went into a deep sleep looking at the clear blue sky and the sun soaked morning through the huge OT window. How I love such a huge window !!! I have 2 at home and I can never have enough light, breeze and sunshine that gushes in through the panes. 

But what led up to the operation and everything after it was over, was all new for me. I was waiting for my turn to be wheeled into the operation theatre on the morning of Nov 4 with a few others, all of them older than me. There was no clock in the waiting area, so I stopped keeping track of time from then on. I don’t know the exact time I was operated on. It was 7.20AM when I was escorted from my room 1266 to the OT. My brother was asked to wait in the room. I can never forget his face outside the lift. 

Uncertainty. That’s the truth we all try to run away from throughout our lives but frankly that’s we all we live with, all our lives. That’s the only thing certain, sadly or luckily I wouldn’t know. 

The wait for him was over in the next 3 hours, for me after 6-7 hours. It took me time to figure out what had happened. That’s when the pain started and I couldn’t change sides on the bed without help. It was then that the realization sinked in – my life has changed forever.